It’s been a while since I last posted something here, there’s been alot of change.

I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis last October, which was heartbreaking initially. My right hand side was affected…including my drawing/painting hand.

I persevered, creating (very sketchy!) sketches, sporadically. But my ability had changed somewhat, due to the unpredictable shakiness of my hand, which comes and goes.

Losing my confidence in creating the art I was used to creating, was getting me down. It felt like a chore, sitting in front of my oils, trying to fit into my previous mould of which was no longer there. There was frustration, tears and then giving up.

On a random day in Holt with my partner, we met Antonia; she was so warm and kind and her gallery was full of expressive, joyful and colourful paintings. After a lovely chat, she encouraged me to come to her workshop ‘Expressive Painting’.

She not only showed us methods of how to loosen up in our paintings, but how to mentally allow for that process and find the joy in what we were doing. I went bold, made marks without thinking, I completely let go of the aim of trying too hard. She initially encouraged us to play, to experiment, to find freedom in our mark making. I realised that painting for me had become a chore once again, I had lost the spontaneity and love for it. Painting small and restricted, was indicative of how I felt inside.

I thought I had been dealt a difficult card last year, but actually it’s opened more doors within my mind, than I had ever dreamed of. This year started with recovery, then studying, and in between that, a slow awakening to regaining confidence in my creativity. Not to mention the amazing pillars of support around me.

Thankyou Antonia, your wisdom, freedom and pure joy for what you do has left a big, colourful mark on me.

I hope this post helps anyone else who is stuck in a creative rut for whatever reason. Or just for anyone who needs some hope. Sometimes we need to shake things up. And sometimes, they are shaken up outside of our control. But that’s ok too. Find the small blessings, in the darkest times. New perspectives equal new experiences, and we grow in directions we may have never dreamt of. 

I look forward to taking steps into a new chapter on my creativity, and hope you enjoy following my journey as much as I enjoy creating.

‘There are always flowers, for those who want to see them’ Henri Matisse

Antonia Clare: http://www.antonia-clare.com